A Funny Thing Happened...................

I worked for the Great State of Texas (GST) for over 14 years.    I loved my job.  Learned about bureaucracy; accepted the fact that I could not change it.  But most of all I met some wonderful people who did a good job and took their responsibility seriously (admittedly some more than others).  I am truly grateful to the tax payers of this state because I have a retirement check and best of all I had free health insurance all the years I worked and will for the rest of my life and I am able to purchase same for mate at a very low price. 

GST  decided to hire a firm, not from the GST, but of all places....Yankee Land, up North, whose job assignment is to audit the beneficiaries of all retired and present GST employees.  Seems some employees or retirees of GST have some beneficiaries on their insurance program who are not legal. (well I am shocked)  It is not me.  So last Friday a letter  came out.  Told us what to do.  Classified the different kinds of State Employees and beneficiaries.  I fall under LS (for legal spouse) I had to get a copy of something showing we still live together, they suggest a copy of the front page of our 2010 Tax return, properly redacted and of course a copy of our marriage license.   The copy we had of the license  was stolen about 24 years ago when for the only time ever we were broken into and a lock box was taken which contained that and those sweet birth certificates you get from the hospital with the baby footprint on them.  No problem.  Monday I will call and get a copy from the County Clerk.

Had a nice weekend.  Worked  Monday morning,  Called the Courthouse,  We do not have a marriage license on file.    After all these years,  we are not married.  We have celebrated a 50th anniversary at our Church building; we have at times done a wee bit of marriage counseling and ourselves are living in sin.   We even appeared in the Casa Manana advertising for the HHH for two years in a row with the story of how we returned there on our 55th anniversary and sat in the same booth and told our story to a reporter for the Times and Record News,  I ask you, could a 50th anniversary celebration, a reporter for the TRN and Casa Manana be in error. Evidently,  cause I have no  license. 

I called Mate.  He is not worried about our reputation or the disgrace of it all, he wants to figure out how to keep his insurance,  (ever the  practical one).

  Now another thing about GST is that we are one of 16 states that recognize Common Law Marriage or CLM.  I have known that because we once  had a case that revolved around the legality of a CLM.  Folks they are as legal as you can get.  If you have a true CLM you would need to get a divorce before you could remarry. Contrary to what you may have believed there is no time limit.  From the moment you begin to hold yourselves out to be husband and wife, whether its one day, one year or one hour, you are married.   That gave me some solace where the insurance was concerned, but I had to tell the kids that they were born out of wedlock.  Called.  They both think this is the funniest thing
they have ever heard.   Also both assure me that living in California no one cares.  Daughter even says she can now blame anything  she does that is wrong on her birth status,  You can see what insensitive offspring we have,

Next I have to break this news to my sister.  The good child.  She too thinks this is hilarious.  Which of course she would.  You can see her position is further enhanced.   I then write my nieces and nephew and their spouses.  I explained to them what had happened and ended my email with...."You No Longer Have An Uncle Jim".

Well you would think that my family would be sad and broken hearted.  You would think wrong.  Some 50 emails went back and forth with one liners.  Some I admit are rather clever.  My daughter in law now has an identity crisis;  My niece in Chico wonders what we are going to put on the cute Christmas Shirts that usually say Merry Marshall Christmas so we can match in our Christmas picture; my daughter tells everyone in her company in California;  My grown grandchildren feel unique; my Methodist preacher nephew offers a cut rate wedding service where the cost is set by the number of Amens we want;  My sister does not know where I am so she emails that we are probably on dates. Some of the lines I cannot repeat.  Of course if you are judging, I will not name names, but the niece by marriage in Ohio refuses to give up Uncle Jim.  She  now calls him Uncle Boy Toy.

I got the blank affidavit from the audit company, the one entitled  "Affidavit of a Common Law Union".  Filled it out, waiting til Monday to get it signed by us and a Notary.  Embarrassed to look at it.  But life goes on.  Single Life.  I was 75 this April and thought I had only lived 17 of those years as a single person..now I find I lived the entire 75 as a  single person. 

My used to be Legal Spouse  and I talked and decided we would get a certificate,  Our solution is simple.  We purchase a wedding license, then wait til my sister got back from Tennessee  and on Sunday night a week from now we would  see if Larry would visit our small group and do a early quick wedding service.   My sister would be maid of honor and my great-niece would be  former Mate's best man.  I think that will wake my small group up if anyone has gone to sleep.  Of course our leader is a preacher and we might use him.

Friday afternoon I want to ask a couple of questions so I call the County Clerk.  I know the one that answers.  Tell her my story,  She is hysterical.  Funniest story she has heard this week.  Says wait a minute.  Tells me that since it was so long ago it might be on another computer program.

FILED IN VOLUME 36, ON PAGE 25, SIGNED BY ELDER CLYDE DARR, AN ORDAINED BAPTIST MINISTER IS A LICENSE  TELLING THE WHOLE WORLD THAT WE WERE MARRIED ON JULY 3, 1953.  I can send the GST a paper with a LS (legal spouse).

I figure that there is one more thing to do so that my family will never run out of stores to tell.  It will be only fitting if I am buried in the wrong grave.