Til Death Us Do Part

 July 3, 1953 at approximately 5 in the afternoon, we became Mate and Mate. (The only wedding picture.  We were on the run)    What a long time ago; What a lot has happened; What were we thinking??

To take those points one at a time: WHAT A LONG TIME AGO.  Yes it was.
WHAT A LOT HAS HAPPENED: Yes it has.  WHAT WERE WE THINKING: Who could possibly know.  I am not sure either one of us knew how to think at that stage of our lives. If we had been where we were say 30 or 40 years later or even today, and we sat down and thought it through, I promise we would not have run away and said "I do".  We would have said something like "Are you kidnin me" (kidnin being our granddaughter's way of saying kidding). 

Sometime God just takes over and blesses you even if you haven't asked for it and even if you don't deserve it and even if you don't realize He has done it.

We had rough times in the early  years.  We didn't particularly like each other from time to time.  We didn't have money to go out and "enjoy" ourselves or sometimes not enough to know if we would make it through the week.  We were selfish, never having been taught  to put another person's wants and needs above our own.  We were not patient; we were not  kind; we were not always forgiving; we were not mature; and we did not understand God's will  on how to deal with one another.  If we analyze closely we had very little in common.  So there is no way we would still be married today.  OOOPS,   We are!  We celebrate 57 years together as husband and wife. Tonight after having eaten out with friends, which we do every Friday night, we will get each other a card, (quit buying gifts years ago);  we will play with the Daisy the new dog;  we will kiss each other good night; and say "I love you".  Other than the card and the Daisy Dog,  we have done that for probably 30 years..  The kissing and saying "I love you" we have done almost every night for 57 years. 
                                                                                                              (this looks a lot like our family........well at least the dog is named Daisy.  Jim never wore a bow tie and my hair was never that blond and neither was  Kays, and Jimbo, well maybe he did sort of look like Alexander)

We have been asked the secret for staying married  so many years.  Its simple but not easy.   For the first 10 years we didn't know we had a choice;  For the next 30 years we were busy with  family (daughter Kay, son Jimbo,  grand kids), with  jobs and with living in general;  For the next 10 years we realized that it is just too much trouble to not stay married; and, for the last 7 years we are just too tired.   So there you have it in a nut shell.  How to stay married for 57 years.

If you had asked us if we would do it all over again.............. during the first 10 years we would have said  "let us get back to you on that".  The next 30 years we would have said "Yes".   The next ten years we would have told you "We did good ".   The last 7 years we would have said "do what over?"

I guess that every period of time had its rewards; however,  we have to think long and hard to remember what that could have been the first 10 years.  A series of horrid apartments, fussing when we didn't get our way, being too short sighted to see more than 15 minutes ahead, but still in that period of new love almost every problem could be solved by an argument  and making up. 

The next 30 years:     In 1960 we bought a house. The nicest thing we had ever lived in.   Plain and simple, no air conditioning, no central heat, horrible heater in the hall that burned you up when you stood in the hall and froze you in any other part of the house,  one bathroom, 963 square feet. $8,750.00.    Payments $68.00 a month, including taxes and insurance, all we had to do was catch 2 up.  We didn't have that kind of money.  But my sweet grandmother did. For the first time in our lives we were in debt.  Our mortgage was for 20 years, our interest rate was 4  %.  Had we not decided to move to Lake Palestine in East Texas we would still live there, looking out our front door into the back yard of Beverly and Milton Colley.

Mate was a builder. We always planned to build a  showcase home. Every time new plots of land would open up we would look at house plans.  We would buy an extra lot.  We would sit and think about our neighbors, the fact that our kids knew everyone in the Addition.  We felt safe and loved and happy where we were.  Some things are just more important than big houses.  Then we would add a room, add a swimming pool, or add a new patio. Never did put in another bathroom.   When we sold the house it had doubled in size, we had a pool, very little yard to care for and  we still had the same neighbors.

(this picture  in the Colley garage at Halloween probably 40 years ago)

Milton Colley always had a project.  Either digging a storm cellar, or closing in the garage, or building a camper. Each evening we would have dinner, get  lawn chairs, a glass of tea and journey across the street, sit in the shade and watch Milton work.  Some evenings if there were no project going we played fierce badminton.   All the kids played either Boys Club Basketball or football,  the men coached and we all went to all the games.  Even if your kid wasn't playing.   It was  a wonderful time.
We lived in that house for over 30 years and made our sweetest memories there.


  1990 we left for Lake Palestine,  Then in 2000 we came back home to Wichita Falls.  I wish we could have gone back to Dunbar and how it was.  Great American author, Thomas Wolfe, last novel "You Can't Go Home Again"  is true. 

So here we live and fortunately we have wonderful neighbors, but it can, of course, never be the same again. 

The next 10 years we discovered the comfort of knowing each other well.  Overlooking things like he can't find anything if it is covered up, that I never close a cabinet  or drawer completely; he would rather stay home than eat out but does because it makes me happy.  He pays the check even if I ordered iced tea.  I wait til the last minute to do something, he does it as soon as it can be done.  I finish his sentence which irritates him, but not so much any more.  Its comfort.

   (the Christmas picture below is our entire family 2009 in California, missing first grandson, Cole, stuck up north by weather)


Then of course the last 7 years have been the "ignore any problem that comes our way" years.  We tend to forget any bad thing that happens.  If you irritate either one of us today, we will have forgotten it by evening.  We still go out to eat way more often than we eat at home, but I don't always order iced tea. We have friends we enjoy and who we can count on and who we love like family.  We still disagree on most non important things.  The best thing that has happened to us is that we have learned to pray aloud together.  It was not always so.
(picture is probably 9 or 10 year old Church Directory.  Oh so much nicer than the latest one, so we will ignore the recent one and pretend we still look this good.  Its the least we can do after 57 years and it makes us feel better)

We still kiss each other good  night and say I love you and  maybe sometime we mean it more than we ever did.  So Happy Anniversary to my Mate and may God Bless us for the time we have left together.

I did forget the most important thing.  WE DO KNOW THE SECRET to a successful 57 years of marriage.  It took a while but along about the 30th year we finally learned to  let God take control.